Heartless
by WeasleySeeker
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange is heartless. But was she always? What hides beneath that inhuman exterior? Borderline M rating. ON HOLD
1. Heartless

I was a confident sixteen-year-old. I knew I was pretty. I was tall, I was slim but curved in all the right places, my eyes were dark and mysterious and my perfectly shaped face was framed by my waist-length glossy black curls, unrecognisable from the matted mane they would become in later life. Boys' eyes followed me wherever I went and I loved the attention; I even encouraged it – my skirts were substantially shorter than what was deemed acceptable and the teachers were always telling me to do up more of the buttons on my blouses (some rather reluctantly, I liked to think). I was not a virgin, although I had never really had a boyfriend – I liked them to think I was in charge. I usually dumped them after the first night (unless it was really good).

Not only did I look good, I was clever too. I got straight Os in my OWLs and was the star of the Duelling Club, although we didn't get to do anything exciting (i.e. dark arts). I was also a prefect and winner of any number of school prizes.

Dad would present me to his work colleagues or visitors with enormous pride. I was his favourite. I was his mascot, the epitome of what it meant to be a Black. Dromeda had the looks, but she looked so similar to me it didn't count and anyway, she didn't have my intelligence. Cissy was pretty in her own way, but her pale complexion looked feeble next to the bold, dark good looks of the rest of the Black family.

Dad's colleagues would look me up and down, their eyes lingering on my breasts or my bum. I liked older men looking at me in that way. It made me feel like I had power. Usually to the Blacks, it was a failure not to produce a male heir. I wanted to prove that notion wrong.

* * *

_It was the height of the First Wizarding War. I walked through the slums that were once Diagon Alley._

_That place had always meant something to me. The place where I got my wand, where I got all the things that told me I was a witch, that I had an identity in my own right. If you asked me where the most magical place on Earth was, without hesitation I would say Diagon Alley._

_But it didn't look very magical. Mudbloods in rags framed the roads. A young family was amongst them, dirty and hungry-looking. The man spoke to me._

_"Look what you've done to my family!" he screamed in despair, clinging to the hem of my cloak. Disgusted, I tried to shake him off. "No, listen! You hear, but you don't understand! Look at the suffering you've put us through. We've had our wands confiscated, so we can't get into our Gringotts vault to get money for food. We're human beings too! We're not so different from you!"_

_He still wouldn't let go of my cloak. A burning anger built inside me, corroding my insides._

_"Crucio!"_

_His screams satisfied me, filled me with pleasure._

_"You are nothing like me, you filthy little Mudblood," I spat._

_"You're a bitch, Bellatrix Lestrange," said the woman quietly, her voice shaking. "A heartless bitch."_

_Heartless. That word affected me, touched a nerve deep inside me. I gave a deranged laugh. That was my reaction to being uncomfortable._

_"Avada Kedavra," I said lazily. The woman didn't have time to scream. I continued walking._

_Heartless. I considered the word. Bitch, I could understand. But was I really heartless?_

_I looked down at my chest. Of course I had a heart. Otherwise I would be dead. But did my heart do anything, except beat and keep me alive?_

_Hearts are supposed to love. Did I love anyone? I thought carefully. Well, I loved Cissy. She was my sister, of course I loved her. But then the other one was my sister too, and I certainly didn't love her. Filthy blood traitor. But Cissy? Well, she'd certainly got more annoying since marrying that idiot. _Lucius_. And now she was pregnant. _Just what we need_, I thought bitterly. _Another Lucius._ What was it about him that I found so intensely irritating? Well, he needed a haircut, for a start. He thought he was royal, just because he was in the Dark Lord's inner circle. _Well, the Dark Lord doesn't trust Lucius as much as Lucius thinks_, I thought smugly. The Dark Lord told me things. He valued my opinion._

_Who else did I love? Rodolphus? No. It was an arranged marriage, love had never come into the equation. I was seventeen, a child, when I married him. I didn't love Rodolphus. But we had reached an understanding. And the sex was good._

_I didn't think what I felt for the Dark Lord was love. A deep, dark passion, a lifelong loyalty, unbearable lust, yes. But I didn't think it was love. He didn't love me, I knew that much. The Dark Lord didn't love. Love was just something for old fools like Dumbledore, he told me. But he trusted me, and he used me as a outlet for all his sexual frustration, nothing more. I knew that. I wasn't blind. But I threw myself at him, I was grateful for even that amount of recognition that allowed me the highest position in his services. I don't know what it was that fuelled my desperation. A longing to be noticed, I suppose, that originated as far back as my teenage years._

* * *

It was a couple of weeks before I was due to start my sixth year and Dad was holding his annual summer work party in our huge house that evening. Me, Dromeda and Cissy were in my room (the biggest) doing our make-up – we were always invited; Dad loved to show off his daughters.

"You can't wear that!" Narcissa exclaimed as I took the dress I intended to wear out of my wardrobe.

"Can," I retorted. "I've got the figure for it."

"Doesn't stop you looking like a slut," muttered Dromeda.

"Just because you couldn't get away with it," I said, looking critically at her smaller-than-average chest as I pulled on my dress and studied my reflection. Black and strapless, it was short, reaching halfway up my thighs, and low-cut.

"Meh," said Dromeda, "I've got time. I'm only fourteen." She pulled her less daring, Slytherin green dress on and it did look good on her - it was slightly looser than mine, which would just have made her look like a small child. Cissy's pink frock suited her, even if it wasn't really my sort of thing. She was only twelve, after all.

I granted her that. "At least it's a nice colour," I said, looking pointedly at Cissy.

"What?" she protested. "I like pink! Besides, I can't wear black, it makes me look pale."

"Because you are," I pointed out, brushing out my curls.

"Well, we can't all be as perfect as you," said Dromeda bitterly, applying her eyeliner.

"I know," I said cheerfully, as we heard a shout from downstairs: "Girls! The guests are arriving!"

* * *

A few hours in and my parents were too drunk to notice what I was doing. I decided I fancied a fag. I cast my eyes around the ballroom – there was someone who would do. He wasn't bad looking and he wasn't too old. _There aren't usually many people like that at Dad's work parties_, I smirked to myself.

I did my sexiest walk and went over to him. I could see Dromeda rolling her eyes from across the room. I gave her a look that clearly said _get off my back._

"You know," I said flirtatiously, "I think cigarettes are sexy."

"Want a drag?" he asked, far too eagerly. My heart sank. One of those.

I took it off him lazily and inhaled deeply. Then I exhaled a curling cloud of smoke. I made to give it back to him and his hand jerked out expectantly, but then I turned round and walked off with it. I inhaled again and by this time I was on the other side of the hall. I only just managed to restrain myself from looking back over my shoulder to see what I'm sure would be a bitterly disappointed expression on his face. But I intended to come back to him later.

"Bella, you can't just steal other people's cigarettes!" hissed Dromeda. "What if Mum and Dad see you?"

"They're too drunk to care," I replied, and it was true. "I think it's time for some Firewhiskey..."

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone, this is my second story on this site and I am so excited to be writing a new one, I loved all your kind reviews :D**

**So this story is about Bellatrix when she is in her sixth year but there are flashes from her later life. Inspired by JKR's comment on the Black Family tree: "there are many stories between the lines." It is a very different style from Son of a Malfoy but I hope you will enjoy it just as much. **

**There are different pairings in this story as it's an overview of her life - Bellamort, Bella + Rodolphus and Bella + OC are the main ones. The M rating is to be safe for future chapters.**

**I published the first chapter before but had to take it down because there were some mistakes and I wanted to change some things (including the title). **

**I am planning to update once every few days but ple****ase review**, it brightens my day and if I have lots of reviews I may decide to update sooner...

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, places or events you recognise from Harry Potter - I'm just borrowing them from JKR because they are so awesome :D**


	2. Powerful

I emerged from the cupboard having successfully seduced a 30-year-old man. Well. He looked 30. That had to be a record. This called for a celebration. I poured myself some more Firewhiskey and went upstairs to my bedroom.

I examined my reflection. Oh dear. My dress was partly unzipped and did not cover what it should, my hair was all over the place and my bright red lipstick was smeared all over my face. It was quite clear what I had been doing it. I liked it.

Dromeda came in.

"Excuse me, have you not heard of knocking?" I demanded.

"Worried about me walking in on you with that old man? Merlin, Bellatrix, he looked about thirty!" she exclaimed.

"Thirty's not that old," I said. "anyway, I don't care how old he is. It was good."

"You are disgusting," said Dromeda, and she walked off. I smiled contentedly.

* * *

_The first time I saw the Dark Lord in the paper was a couple of years after I left school. I was in the living room with Cissy and my mother, chatting to Cissy about nothing in particular – I was married, and she was off school for Christmas so I hadn't seen her for a while. Andromeda had already run off with the Mudblood._

_Mother sighed and we looked up._

_"What is it?" asked Cissy anxiously._

_"Nothing… just look at this," she sighed._

_She passed over the newspaper and I read._

_"So what?" I asked bitterly. "We need to clean out those Mudbloods once and for all. What's wrong with purifying the Wizarding race?"_

_She sighed again._

_"Nothing, Bellatrix, nothing at all. You know I agree that Mudbloods are scum and we should be rid of it."_

_"Well, what is it then?" asked Cissy again._

_"It's just so dangerous to be asserting these views," she said anxiously. "You know all these newfangled ideas the Ministry have about inclusion and all that tosh. They're hunting down everyone who's ever been associated with these Death Eaters."_

_"And why should that put them off?" I demanded passionately. "We should be allowed to speak our mind! We should stand up for what we believe in!"_

_There was so much worry and love in my mother's eyes. "But that's just it, Bellatrix. I do worry about you. We shouldn't get involved. Leave it to the men. Leave it to your husband."_

_"But – " It was so unfair. I was as good a dueller – better – than any of those men. Why should I have to hold back because I was a woman? Why was I the one who had to stay safely at home?_

_Guilt ate me up from the insides. I'd been having private dark arts lessons with the Dark Lord for months now. I hated lying to my mother. But would it be worse to tell her the truth?_

_"Promise me, Bellatrix. Promise me you won't get involved. I don't want to lose you."_

_I was defeated by the pleading look on her face._

_"I promise."_

* * *

We arrived in the bustle of Platform 9 3/4 shortly before the train was due to leave. The commotion consisted of breaking-down first years, forgotten items and the like, but as I was starting my sixth year, Andromeda her fourth and Narcissa her second year, we had grown out of all that stuff. We were already in our robes - Mother didn't stand for all that looking-like-Muggles nonsense. Unfortunately Bagnold, a Ministry official, had noticed this.

"Excuse me, Mrs Black, but you can not pretend that you don't know the law," she said sternly.

"I don't," my mother replied. "But that doesn't mean I care about it."

"I know you Blacks consider yourself to be royal, but you are not above the law," Bagnold said firmly.

"Oh, I've had enough of this," I announced. "Goodbye, Mother. Come on Dromeda, Cissy." I grabbed Cissy's hand and marched right past the queue and onto the train. I had power. Nobody dared question Bellatrix Black.

I barged past an innocent first-year and dumped my trunk and owl in the compartment where most of the sixth-year Slytherins were sitting.

"Look after my stuff while I go to the bloody Prefect meeting thing," I told Rexana. Rexana Bulstrode was the closest thing I had to a friend, although my friends were more like followers - they envied me and I took advantage of this.

"Hi, Bellatrix, yes I had a brilliant holiday thanks, how was yours?" she asked sarcastically.

"Very funny," I snapped, "and actually I'll have you know it was rather good."

"Bella got off with a 30-year-old," piped up Cissy, who was lingering outside to eavesdrop.

"Shut up, go and find some second years to play with," I hissed, but I was actually feeling rather smug.

"You did what?" Rexana shrieked.

"Later," I said, and I strode out of the compartment, basking in the awe of my dorm mates. I laughed to myself. How could they be so pathetic?

I walked purposefully along the train, which had started moving, but there were still frightened-looking first years littering the corridors looking for the compartments. My stride seemed to intimidate them, and the crowd parted to let me through. I laughed again. I already had this effect on them. They hadn't seen anything yet.

I entered the prefects' carriage, which was unrecognisable from the normal student carriages - it was carpeted luxuriously with squashy armchairs and a drinks bar. The other prefects were already seated and looking impatient. McMillan, the Head Boy, looked up as I entered.

"Ah, Bellatrix," he said. "Finally."

"Sorry," I simpered. "I was held up by some annoying little ants in the corridor. Next time I will be sure to be here early... just for you." It was meant as a joke, but McMillan turned bright red. _Ah_, I thought. _He fancies me_. No surprise there. But the meeting was looking up - I was planning to have some fun.

"I - er - at least you're here now," he stuttered.

I flashed him a flirtatious smile. "Yes, I'm here, and I promise I will hang on your every word." I wrapped one leg over the other slowly, and it edged my skirt up further. I looked him straight in the eye all the time he was talking, watching him stumble over his words, an amusing contrast to his usually pompous manner. I didn't really listen though.

"So," he concluded, "rotas will be ready to pick up tomorrow at breakfast time. Meanwhile, who wants to start us off and patrol the corridors now?"

"I'll do it, Sebastian," I said adoringly. I hoped that was his first name.

"Er - ok then," he said, flustered, "and who else?"

"I will," said Rosier, the other Slytherin prefect in my year, who I noticed had been eyeing me jealously throughout the talk.

"Ok then," McMillan said, "you can all go. Except Bellatrix."

I feigned confusion as the other prefects filed out. "I'll wait for you outside," muttered Rosier.

"So, Sebastian," I said innocently, using his first name again, "I'm a bit confused as to why you've kept me back here."

"I think we both know that, Bellatrix," he said. _Yes, we do, _I thought. "I've always been very attracted to you, Bellatrix. There's just something about you that I can't put my finger on. In the past I've thought that you're way out of my league, but today I thought I could sense something. You like me too, don't you?"

I leaned in as if I was about to kiss him, but then he looked confused as my lips went past his face and to his ear.

"No way in _hell_," I whispered.

"But - Bella -" he spluttered.

"DON'T call me that!" I hated the nickname. "Fuck off, McMillan. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on Earth. Well," I reconsidered. "I might. But only for one night." I laughed at the look on his face and left the carriage.

Rosier was waiting outside anxiously. "So what did McMillan want?" he asked cautiously, though of course he knew.

"Nothing I would give him," I answered. "Why would I choose him when I can get anyone in the school? Even the teachers, I bet," I boasted.

"Don't be stupid," said Rosier, though he was visibly relieved.

"Oh, I'm not," I assured him. "I got with a 30-year-old this summer."

"You didn't!" he gasped.

"You did what?" demanded Lestrange, who was passing.

"Just some weed at Dad's work party," I said dismissively. "Why do you care anyway, Lestrange?" I asked, bewildered.

"No reason," he said, and re-entered his compartment. I dismissed it as just another person wanting to get in my knickers and ignored him.

"Rosier, I can't be bothered to patrol the corridors," I moaned. "You can handle it, can't you?"

"Er..." I could tell that Rosier was a bit annoyed, as he had clearly only agreed to patrol because I did. But he wouldn't want to upset me. "Of course, you go and sit with your friends."

"Thanks so much, you're my hero," I told him. I smirked at his obvious elation. Boys. Ha. I had them wrapped around my little finger.

* * *

**A/N: So I got excited and posted this chapter early :D Thanks to _skaterofthebooks, butterfly450, romantic. Lover. x _and_ xx-His-Most-Loyal-Servant-xx _for reviewing :D**


	3. Ruthless

I re-entered my compartment, feeling triumphant. It was considerably fuller than before, with Rexana and the annoying little girls that just followed us everywhere to make themselves known, even if it was only as _you know, the one that hangs round with Bellatrix Black._

"That took longer than usual, Bella," said Rexana.

"I was having some fun with McMillan," I replied. "And don't call me Bella."

"Sorry. McMillan? Seriously?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No, no, I rejected him. Even I wouldn't stoop that low," I assured her.

"Good, you got me worried for a moment," she laughed. "So what about this 30-year-old then?"

"Well..." I considered. "He was quite good-looking."

"But?"

"He was so feeble. He had no idea what to do. I bet he was a virgin," I said darkly.

"So?"

"He's 30!" I said indignantly. "That's just not cool."

"No, it's not really," she agreed.

"How did you manage to seduce a 30-year-old?" piped up Darcy, one of my annoying tag-alongs.

"Seriously, you should have seen how desperate he was - he would have let anyone with breasts fuck him. Even you," I added nastily. It was a good job I was friends with Rexana - there was hardly anyone else in our year that you could have an intelligent conversation with. I definitely preferred having male friends; they were much less annoying.

The lady with the food trolley passed.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" she asked cheerfully. I stood up.

"What do you think?" I asked, giving her a disgusted look.

"Pardon?" The little old lady looked bewildered.

"How do you think I stay looking like this?" I demanded, gesturing at my perfectly flat stomach, then at her rounded belly. "We don't want to end up looking like that, do we, girls?"

There was a chorus of "Oh, no"s and "Of course not"s, even from Darcy, although I heard her stomach rumble loudly.

"Well, there's no need to be rude," the lady said indignantly, and she moved on to the next compartment.

* * *

_A dark arts lesson. It was in his house - no, house wasn't a grand enough word for it - his manor, secluded in the countryside, undetectable except by those who had already seen it. That was only a lucky few, and I took pride in being one of those few._

_His dark living room. The furniture was completely black, except the long mahogany dinner table, and the huge windows were draped in black curtains. I looked across the enormous room towards the Muggle peasant._

_I lifted my wand and prepared myself._

_"Crucio."_

_The jet of red light darted towards the Muggle, but it started to fizzle out before it even hit him. He flinched when it made contact, as if a blunt knife had drawn across his chest, but nothing more. The Muggle looked relieved._

_The Dark Lord was silent._

_"My Lord, I -" I began, but he cut across me._

_"Quiet, Bella!" he sn__apped. Inste__ad of the flicker of irrit__ation I usu__ally felt __at the nickn__ame, I felt something else. Electricity. Did he feel something too? There w__as something rom__antic __about h__aving __a nickn__ame. Then __ag__ain, the D__ark Lord didn't love._

_______________________________He touched my shoulders __and my_ fl_at stom__ach that I was so proud of __as he __adjusted my posture. I felt it __ag__ain. He repl__aced my w__and __arm __a little higher. He stood behind me, le__aning so th__at his lips were centimetres from my e__ar._

_________________________________________________________"You h__ave to me__an it, Bell__a," he whispered softly. "Ch__annel your __anger. Be ruthless. You h__ate this m__an. He is __a Muggle. He h__as driven us into hiding. He is the re__ason we h__ave to hide wh__at we __are from the world. It is his f__ault. You __are superior, Bell__a," he murmured. "Rule over him."_

_________________________________________________________________________________________I let the urge for domin__ance t__ake over my body. It w__as everything I w__anted th__at could never be th__at fuelled my __anger. I w__anted him to hurt. _It is his fault, _I told myself._ It is his fault.

_"Crucio."_

_I knew it would work this time. The jet of red light w__as more powerful this time - it stre__aked __across the room __and the Muggle's cries echoed __as the D__ark Lord hitched up my skirt __and pinned me to the t__able..._

* * *

As the train travelled further north, the country scenes out of the window became more desolate, the light started to go and the temperature dropped significantly, so those who weren't yet in their robes were shivering visibly. Finally, Hogsmeade Station came into view and the train came to a halt.

"Hurry up, so we beat the crowd," said Brenna, one of the less annoying Slytherins in our year, as we gathered our things together.

"Don't worry about that, Brenna," I told her. "You're with Bellatrix Black, remember?"

I had a special talent for parting crowds - people were intimidated by my purposeful stride. First years flattened themselves up against the walls to let us through. I laughed.

I claimed one of the horseless carriages that would take us up to Hogwarts.

"You go in first, Brenna, Rexana," I said. They clambered up and sat on the backwards facing seat. I took the forwards seat and spread out my legs, trunk and owl so I could say just as Darcy was about to ascend the steps: "Oh, sorry Darcy, there's no more room in here. You'll have to get the next one."

"But - there's only three of you in -" Darcy began, but I shut the door on her and the carriage began to move.

Brenna and Rexana laughed. "That was mean, Bellatrix," said Rexana, even though she was still giggling.

"Yeah, but does anyone actually like her?" asked Brenna.

"Maybe not," Rexana admitted. "You're ruthless, Bellatrix Black."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again to Romantic lover .x, HMLS, butterfly450, ColadaxCheers and skaterofthebooks for reviewing :D**

**I am short of stories to read - does anyone know any good stories that update daily/every couple of days? I'm quite open minded, I like most pairings :3**

**Check out my other stories: Son of a Malfoy (finished) - Rose and Scorpius; Truth or Dare (in progress) - Fred and Penelope Clearwater - my fun one :D**

**Please if you have read this, REVIEW :D even if it's just one word, it motivates me to keep writing. It doesn't take a second... Constructive criticism is welcome of course, how else can I improve? :3**

**WeasleySeeker xx**


	4. Paranoid

"To our first years," said Dumbledore, "welcome to Hogwarts. To our older students, welcome back."

I yawned. The same talk every year.

"Mr Filch has asked me to remind you of the banned items..." Did I really care?

"Quidditch tryouts..." Mud and sweat? Not my style.

"The Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to all students..." Why would anyone even want to go in there?

"Now, I have only two more words to say to you." Finally. "Tuck in."

The golden platters filled up with every type of food imaginable - roast chicken, potatoes, shepherd's pie, fisherman's pie, macaroni cheese, chicken curry, beef casserole. There was a scramble for the nicest-smelling food. I reached for the salad bowl and got myself some lettuce and tomato.

"Do you want the potatoes after me?" asked Brenna

"No, I've got enough here," I said.

"Are you not hungry, Bellatrix?" asked Darcy incredulously, piling pasta onto her plate. "We didn't even have lunch."

"Of course I'm not hungry," I snapped. "I don't get hungry."

This was true. I had basically starved myself since the age of thirteen, when I first became aware of the attention I got from boys. I prided myself on my flat stomach. I didn't want to ruin it. I was used to not eating.

* * *

_The house elf placed the dinner plate in front of me and removed the lid, sending the steam blowing into my face. The plate was piled full of roast pork, potatoes and lots of vegetables. I felt sick. I couldn't eat that much._

_The Dark Lord saw my reaction from the other end of the long mahogany dinner table._

_"Does my food not please you, Bella?" he asked softly. The nickname again._

_"No, no my Lord," I said hurriedly. "It looks delicious."_

_"Well then? What's is the matter?" he demanded._

_"I - I just - don't have much of an appetite today," I confessed._

_"Oh?" he enquired. "Does this happen often?"_

_"Quite often, my Lord, yes," I admitted. "I watch my figure."_

_He got up from his seat and walked along the table towards me. He rested a hand on my stomach. "But Bella, my dear, there is no need for that. Please, eat. It pleases me to see a woman with an appetite. Besides, we can always... burn it off. Later."_

_He sat back down and we ate in silence, our knives and forks chinking musically. I finally cleared my plate and set my cutlery down carefully. The house elf, who had been lingering half way down the table, cleared both our plates. The Dark Lord stood up again. He extended a hand and helped me out of my chair. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear._

_"Very good, Bella," he murmured._

_Suddenly, his lips locked against mine, hard and unyielding. His lips travelled down to my neck as he ripped open my robes and they tumbled to the floor..._

* * *

I pulled on my satin, Slytherin green nightdress - short and with a low neckline, like most of my clothes. Then I tried to block out Darcy's babbling and get some sleep.

"Have you seen Rosier? He's grown, and he's got a tan, he's looking good. I wish I could tell him how I feel," she moaned.

"Shut up," I said absently. "Rosier doesn't fancy you."

"How do you know?" she asked, hurt.

"Because he quite clearly fancies Bellatrix, Darcy, I'd have thought even you would have noticed that," said Brenna exasperatedly.

"Everyone fancies Bellatrix," said Darcy bitterly. "How do you do it? I just wish I could get just one man to look at me."

"Oh, just shut the fuck up!" I exclaimed. "Nobody cares. Just go to sleep, like the rest of us are trying to do."

"Ok, touchy," she muttered.

"Bellatrix, are you all right?" asked Rexana quietly from the next bed.

"I'm fine," I assured her. "Just sick of being in school. Every day we do the same old thing. I want to get out into the world."

"Well, only two years left to go," she said brightly.

"If I can survive two more years of people like_ her_," I said darkly, nodding towards Darcy. "I think Rosier's going to be my new project," I whispered. "Just to annoy her."

"But you're related to him," exclaimed Rexana.

"I was joking," I assured her. "Who else would it annoy Darcy if I got with?"

"At this rate there will be no more boys left in the school for you to choose from."

"Except the Mudbloods and the Gryffindors," I assured her. "And the first years, obviously."

"Bellatrix, that is disgusting," Rexana giggled. "Is that your aim by the end of the year?"

"What, to fuck all the boys?" I asked. "Hell yeah." I thought again. "I'm joking, obviously. Maybe I'll go a bit slower with the next person. See what it's like."

"So he'll be your first boyfriend," Rexana pointed out. "Trust you, Bellatrix Black, to do everything in the wrong order."

* * *

The Great Hall ceiling showed a bright, cloudless late summer morning. The bustle was back and the chat was even louder than usual due to the reunions of friends that had been apart all summer and had six weeks to catch up on. The owl post came and, as usual, frightened the first years who were scoffed at by older students. Slughorn handed out timetables, and I realised with a groan that I had double Potions first. I didn't mind Potions, but I hated double lessons and I just wasn't in the mood.

"What subjects have you taken, Bellatrix?" asked Brenna.

"Transfiguration, Potions, Defence, Runes and Arithmancy." I had taken the most difficult subjects at my teachers' requests. I didn't really care what I took, all I really liked at school was duelling.

"Wow, that sounds really difficult," exclaimed Darcy, stuffing her face with scrambled egg. I wasn't eating everything - I never did, but I had come down to collect my timetable.

"I know," I said mockingly. "I'm sure I'll _really_ struggle. Considering I got twelve Os in my OWLs."

"Well, I took Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination and Astronomy."

I smirked. The easiest subjects. I was surprised that Darcy scraped any OWLs. I found out that I was with Rexana for Runes and Arithmancy and Brenna for Transfiguration, but on my own for Potions and Defence. Oh well. I wouldn't have any difficulty finding someone to entertain me.

Just then, Professor Flitwick passed.

"Ready to start Duelling this Saturday, Miss Black?" he squeaked.

"Of course," I replied happily. My week was looking up.

"No doubt you'll be champion for a third year running," he beamed, and left me beaming too. There was something I got from duelling. I didn't know what it was, but it left me feeling satisfied.

"Miss Black, looking lovely as always," boomed a voice. Slughorn.

"Hello, Professor," I said. "What is it? Could it not wait until first period?"

"Naturally, but I thought I should let you know first. The Slug Club's first dinner party is scheduled for this Wednesday, does that suit you ok?" Slughorn was always sure to organise his parties so that they didn't clash with duelling or prefect duties.

"Sounds perfect, Professor." I loved Slughorn's parties - a chance to be treated like royalty, and to get off with boys that would actually be acceptable to my parents for once.

"Ooh, here comes your new lover, Bella," Rexana teased.

"What, Rosier?" I asked jokingly.

"Nope, McMillan."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I muttered. "Hasn't he got the message?"

But it seemed he had.

"There's your rota, Black," he said, shoving it into my hand and then walking off. I laughed.

I looked down the columns. Oh shit. He'd put me on Friday nights, the worst night to patrol as there were usually parties going on, so it was hard to keep control. And, of course, it meant that you couldn't join in the parties yourself. Then I saw the name next to mine...

"Hey, McMillan! MCMILLAN!" I yelled across the hall.

"Miss Black, will you keep your voice down, please," asked the grumpy Transfiguration professor, Lester.

"What do you want?" asked McMillan.

"You've made a mistake. You've put me with a Gryffindor. And don't the fifth years usually do Fridays?"

"It's not a mistake," said McMillan smugly. "It's part of our new initiative to create inter-house relations."

I breathed heavily. "No way," I said in a deathly whisper. "No way. This is just you trying to get revenge on me, isn't it? Well, you'll be lucky if that Gryffindor survives to the end of this week."

Benjamin Clarke. Not only a Gryffindor. A Mudblood.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to skaterofthebooks, HMLS, romanticloverx, butterfly450 for reviewing :D **


	5. Irritating

I had on a lacy black dress, long sleeved, which stopped halfway down my thighs. The sleeves and from the chest upwards were see-through, but everything else was covered by an opaque under-layer, except a tantalising inch of thigh before the dress ended. I wore bright red lipstick and heavy black eye make-up. My hair was down and my curls spread out across my back. Pulling on my black strappy high heels, I decided I was ready.

My friends eyed me jealously as I surveyed my reflection in the dormitory. Although many of them came from respectable families, none were as celebrated as mine, nor were they academically brilliant, so none of them had been invited to the party.

"See you later," I said smugly. "Well... hopefully not until morning," I winked, and with that I strode off down into the common room, out through the portrait hole and along the corridor to Slughorn's dungeon.

Slughorn was waiting eagerly and I pretended I didn't notice him eye my appearance appreciatively.

"Miss Black, you're early!" he cried.

"Just eager to get here, sir," I replied.

I glanced around the room. It was exuberantly decorated - banners of emerald and silver draped the walls, but the tablecloth was gold - definitely not Slytherin. Slughorn noticed my gaze linger on it and chuckled.

"Yes, I know, dear, but it's not only Slytherins invited."

"It should be," I said, and he chuckled again.

Next moment, the door opened and a boy entered. I groaned. Slughorn was oblivious.

"I take it you've met Mr Clarke?"

"Naturally," smiled Clarke. "Bellatrix, how lovely to see you."

"Wish I could say the same for you," I said under my breath.

"What's that?" asked Slughorn sharply.

"Nothing at all," I said sweetly. Clarke was one of the few people in the world that really irritated me (except Darcy). He was my main opponent in Duelling Club and although I always beat him, he sometimes came close (although I would never admit it to him). To top it off, he was one of the most arrogant people I had ever met, and he was both a Gryffindor and a Mudblood. And McMillan had made him my prefect partner. I doubted that was a mistake. I made a mental note to be nicer to McMillan in future. Ah well. Clarke was there on academic merit only, and I could pride myself by thinking that I would be there even if I was completely stupid. Nobody could ignore the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. I made a point of telling Clarke this every Slug Club.

Half an hour later the other dozen people who had been invited arrived and dinner was served. It was fairly light - chicken caesar salad with elf-made wine, my favourite. Clarke was on the other side of the table, so I could ignore him easily.

* * *

_"Why doesn't Sirius come any more?" asked Andromeda._

_It was a Black family get-together. We were all gathered in the living room - me, Rodolphus (we'd been married almost a year) my parents, my sisters, my aunt and uncle (Walburga and Orion) and cousin Regulus. As Andromeda had pointed out, Sirius was absent from the proceedings._

_"Because he's a filthy Gryffindor, that's why," I spat._

_"That's not attractive, Bellatrix," scolded my mother as if I was nine years old._

_"I'm married now, Mother, I can do what I like," I snapped._

_"Just because he's a Gryffindor, he's banished from the family? How is that fair? He's no different from the person he always was," Andromeda retorted._

_"Maybe not, but now we have the confirmation that he doesn't belong here," said Walburga. "He wouldn't want to come. He prides himself on being different."_

_"Why do you care anyway, Andromeda?" asked my mother suspiciously._

_"No reason," she said shiftily._

* * *

The rest of my week went so quickly and Friday came before I knew it. I sat at the Slytherin table, surrounded by everyone eating, although I only ate a yoghurt (low fat, of course). The post arrived, and an eagle owl landed before me. I opened the letter curiously.

_Dear Bellatrix,_

_I hope it's not too unsettling since term has only just begun, but your father and I have got permission for you to come home for the weekend to celebrate your birthday. It's your seventeenth, so we want it to be special._

_A carriage will pick you up outside the gates at 7pm tonight. Bring your sisters._

_All my love,_

_Mother_

Pleasure at missing my prefect duties outweighed any suspicion I had to start with. I handed the letter to Dromeda, a few seats down, who read it to Cissy. They both looked perplexed.

"What does it say?" asked Brenna.

"I'm going home for the weekend," I told her happily. "Which means - MCMILLAN!"

"What do you want this time, Black?" he asked as he passed on his way to the Hufflepuff table. "I think I can guess." I had been pestering him all week to change my rounds partner. Every time I saw him actually.

"McMillan, you'll need to get somebody else to patrol tonight," I said sweetly.

"I've told you already, I'm not changing the rota!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.

"I know," I assured him. "I just mean for tonight. I'm going home for the weekend."

He looked flabbergasted. I wasn't sure if it was curiosity at why I was going home or shock at me having accepted that he wasn't going to change the rota.

"Why?" he asked.

"None of your business," I replied smoothly. He looked embarrassed.

"Well..." he seemed to be struggling with himself. "Ok then. But just this once."

I laughed with Brenna and Rexana at his reaction.

"Why _are_ you?" asked Rexana.

"For my birthday, apparently," I told them.

"And you're just allowed to miss school?" Brenna said incredulously.

"Well, it's not like we have any lessons," I pointed out. "I'll have to miss duelling though. But apparently we've been given permission so it's fine. I don't know why my parents want us home though, they've never done anything like this before."

"It is your seventeenth though," said Rexana. "Maybe they've got something special planned."

"Maybe," I muttered. "I'm sure all will be revealed..."

* * *

**A/N:**** Et voila m'dears :D My updates probably won't be as frequent now I'm back at school but I will at least try and update at the weekends.**

**Thanks to romanticLoverx, skaterofthebooks, HMLS and butterfly 450 my dear reviewers :D**

**Pleeeease review, I will love you forever... Even just one word, whether you liked it or not, will be appreciated...**

**WeasleySeeker xx **


	6. Tied Down

I woke up. A slit of sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, but judging by how weak it was, it was very early. I rubbed sleep out of my eyes and rolled over to look at the clock. 5am. I groaned and pulled my duvet further up so it covered my shoulders. I tried to get back to sleep, but that tiny stripe of light was right over my face. I grumbled and was about to get up and close the curtains properly when I remembered that I was seventeen. I snatched my wand up from my bedside table, waved it and was satisfied when the curtains did as they were told. I rolled over and fell back to sleep.

Not for long.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" my mother squealed, ripping open my curtains that I had sealed so perfectly. The sun blinded me. My father, Cissy and Dromeda followed her into the room grudgingly, looking as sleepy as I felt.

"Uh - Mum, what time do you call this?" I exclaimed. "And don't call me Bella."

"It's only six thirty," she protested. "I would have got you up an hour ago if Dromeda didn't insist."

"Well I'm glad Dromeda insisted then," I said exasperatedly. "Why have you got me up so early?"

"It's a special day," she said evasively. I let it go.

"Happy birthday, darling," said my father, and he presented me with a small box. I took it curiously in my hand, weighing it up.

"Open it, then," said Dromeda impatiently. I scowled at her. Unsentimental as I usually was, I wanted to savour this moment. I lifted the lid slowly.

My breath was taken away. It was beautiful. It was a silver locket, engraved with the Black family crest and "Toujours Pur". It wasn't new, but its touch radiated with history. I loved it more than I could say.

"It belonged to your great-great-grandmother, Elladora," explained my father proudly. "She died childless and it was lost for generations, I only acquired it recently."

"Don't you like it?" asked my mother worriedly when I didn't react. "Cygnus," she snapped at my father, "I told you we should have got her something new. Something expensive."

"No, no," I said. "I absolutely love it."

"My little girl, all grown up," said my mother tearfully. Dromeda and I exchanged disgusted looks.

"Now, Druella, don't get emotional," my father warned. "What do you think I married you for? Get in the kitchen and get the girl something to eat."

I stared. My family was acting seriously weirdly.

"We've got house elves for that," Cissy pointed out.

"And I don't eat breakfast," I added.

"You do today," my mother insisted, pulling herself together. "You need your strength. What would you like? Pancakes? Toast? Bacon?"

"Nothing," I said. "I can't stomach food at this time in the morning."

"Nonsense," said my father dismissively. "Narcissa, Andromeda, get some fruit for your sister. You must be able to eat at least that."

They looked just as perplexed as I was as they hurried out of the room.

My parents looked at each other. They had obviously been planning this.

My mother took a deep breath. "So, Bella, as you know, you're of age now. You're a woman. This means that people will be watching your every move, and you need to be careful what you do from now on. What you do could have a great impact on what people think of this family."

I looked at her, still confused. "What do you mean?"

My mother looked as though she was struggling to find the right words. "Well... some of your... behaviour over the last couple of years could seem a bit..."

My father interrupted. "Come on, Bellatrix, don't think we don't know what you did with that poor man in the cupboard at the party in the summer. And somehow I doubt that was the first time you've done it."

I went pink. Ah. They were less drunk than I'd thought. I thought I knew where this was going now. "Come on, you're not seriously giving me a sex talk?"

"No," said my mother, to my relief, "although incidentally I hope you're being careful. I don't want you doing anything stupid."

"You mean getting pregnant?" I asked indignantly. "No. I'm not that stupid. I don't want a screaming baby to look after, thank you very much."

My parents exchanged worried looks.

"_What_?"

"Anyway, let's get back on topic," said my father impatiently.

"Yes," my mother said hurriedly, visibly relieved. "What we wanted to say, Bella, is that you're getting engaged!"

My heart stopped.

"_What? _To who?"

"The Lestrange boy," said my father, like it was obvious. "What's his name?"

"Rodolphus," my mother beamed. "Bella, this is such an amazing opportunity. Seventeen and already engaged! That's why we wanted the party tonight, so it can coincide with your birthday."

"Uh - wait a minute. I haven't said yes yet," I pointed out.

"You don't have an option," said my father harshly. "We need to keep you out of trouble."

"But -" For the first time in my life, I was lost for words. "But I've hardly even spoken to Lestrange!"

"Does it matter?" asked my mother. "Bellatrix, you should be flattered that he's taken an interest in you."

I wasn't flattered. He was hardly the first person. I didn't say anything.

My mother sighed. "I know it's hard to let go of those true love dreams you have as a child," she said gently, more gently than I had known was capable of. "But you're not a child any more. There's no such thing as true love for women of our station. We have to keep the pure bloodline flowing. Besides, it's not so bad. Ours was an arranged marriage. Look how we turned out," she said proudly, and my father wrapped his arm around her waist. "You may not love Rodolphus now, Bella, but you can grow to love him."

She sighed when I didn't respond. "We'll leave you to come to terms with it," she said finally. She opened the door inwards and Cissy and Dromeda fell through, having listened to the whole conversation, the fruit forgotten.

"Come on, let's give Bellatrix some space," my father said, and they all went downstairs.

_Married_. Nobody had even said the word yet. I was getting married. The word didn't have those romantic fairytale connotations that it did to a child. To me it meant smothered. Tied down. I didn't want to submit to a man. I wanted to be free. I wanted a life of daring, of adventure. You can't do that as a married seventeen-year-old.

* * *

_A derelict building site. This was only one of the places the Dark Lord chose to meet his followers. Sometimes it was a quarry, sometimes a desolate cave, other times a graveyard. The places he chose were always dark, always abandoned. This was only one of them. It was the first one I had seen._

_The Dark Lord had his hood up; his face was in shadow. I had never seen him before - I tingled with nervous excitement. He spoke; the voice w__as high __and cold. I found it unbe__ar__ably __attr__active._

_"__Ah, R__ab__ast__an with the new recruits. Who h__ave you brought me?"_

___________"Ev__an Rosier, Duncan __Yaxley, Lucius M__alfoy, my brother Rodolphus, __and his -"_

___________________I cut him off. I didn't w__ant to be introduced __as "his wife"._

_______________________"Bell__atrix."_

_________________________There w__as __a nervous shuffle in the circle. I h__ad obviously done something forbidden._

_______________________________"Bell__atrix." His lip curled __as he did it, __as if he w__as testing the n__ame out. "Bell__atrix Bl__ack? I h__ave he__ard __a lot __about you."_

_____________________________________________________"Lestr__ange." Rodolphus h__ad spoken out of turn. ________________________________________________________I rolled my eyes._

_________________________________________________________"I beg your p__ardon?"_

___________________________________________________________"Her n__ame's Bell__atrix Lestr__ange. She's my wife."_

_The D__ark Lord sounded __amused. "Well, well. This is unusu__al. Not only is there __a wom__an in our midst, but __a _married_ wom__an."_

___"Wh__at's wrong with th__at?" I dem__anded._

_________"Only th__at I would not expect one so young who h__as promised herself to one m__an to be so... d__aring."_

_"I __am d__aring," I insisted. "And it w__asn't my choice to be tied down so young," I __added, sn__atching_ my h_and __aw__ay from Rodolphus, who h__ad been trying to t__ake it in his for the whole time."_

"_Ah, I see how it is. A woman with.._. attitude," _he sneered. "You intrigue me, Bell__atrix Lestr__ange. I sense th__at we will be seeing more of you. As for the rest of you," he s__aid, looking them up __and down, "we sh__all see."_

* * *

**A/N: I love you all for reading. Now make me love you even more, please review, just so I know you were here... Just one tiny little word... please...? Even if you didn't like it...**

**Thanks to skaterofthebooks, HMLS, ColadaxCheers, romantic lover x and butterfly450 for your lovely reviews :D**

**WeasleySeeker xx**


	7. Plastered

"Bellatrix! Your guests will be arriving soon, get down here at once!"

I groaned and trudged down the stairs.

"You can't wear that!" she exclaimed, horrified.

"Why not?" I was wearing the same lacy dress as I had worn to Slughorn's party.

"It's not exactly appropriate for the occasion..." she said. "What's wrong with the dress I bought you last Christmas?"

"It's baby blue," I sneered disgustedly. "_Baby blue. _I can't wear pale colours, they don't suit me."

"You look fine in them," she protested. "But if you don't want to wear it, fine. At least wear something that isn't black, you look like you're going to a funeral."

Dromeda was sniggering from the sitting room doorway.

"Shut up, this will be you in a couple of years," I said warningly.

"No chance, you've brought this on yourself, Bellatrix," she said. "I'm not going to go sleeping around."

"Who in their right mind would want to 'sleep around' with you, anyway?" I snapped unkindly. "Fine, I'll go and change if it makes you happy, Mother."

Really, I had just been looking for an excuse to get away. Dromeda had really got to me, somehow, and the tears that had been threatening to come all morning were finally stinging so much I couldn't suppress them for any longer. _You've brought this on yourself, Bellatrix._ I collapsed onto my bed and they streaked down my face and I dissolved into an emotional wreck. I wiped my eyes and my hand was covered in black - my eye make-up was running down my face.

I pulled myself together. I was Bellatrix Black. I never cried. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I cried. I wiped off the ruined thick black eyeliner, and decided to go for a totally different look. I applied more mascara and some glittery silver eyeliner. Not the sort of thing I would normally put on, but it was a nice contrast to have the light taking over my face for a change. I changed my dress to an emerald green strappy one, slightly less low-cut than some of the things I wore, and put a short-sleeved black cardigan on top. I bundled my hair up into an elegant knot, leaving two strands hanging that I tucked behind my ears. Then I sat in front of the mirror and practised the smile that I would be plastered to my face all evening.

* * *

_I watched the bustle of Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters and everything I knew streak by in a whirl of colour, and next thing it was just the railway track taking me through country, which to me seemed like nowhere. I was in my oversized robes - Mother said I had been growing a lot lately, so I needed room in them - which made me feel even smaller amongst the crowd of older, taller and more talented students crowding the corridor. I wasn't really small - even as an eleven-year-old I towered over my peers - but as the oldest in my family I wasn't used to older people. _

_I found an empty compartment, relieved to be able to put down my trunk, and just watched the students pass by. I recognised most of them, as a lot of them were family friends, but none of them would talk to me; they were too busy reuniting with their friends and swapping gossip about the holidays. Nobody gave me a second look after they had seen that the compartment was not empty. _Just another first-year_, they were thinking, _why can't they all sit together so there's more room for everyone else? _But I wasn't just another first-year. I was so much more than that. I just wished that someone would bother to find out. One small tear escaped from my eye and ran down my cheek._

_The compartment door opened. Several older-looking boys came in._

_"Is it ok if we sit here?" asked one of them. He was wearing Slytherin robes, but he still had a kind face. I nodded, and some of the other boys sniggered, but the one who had spoken shushed them. "We wouldn't disturb you, except everywhere else is full." He took in my appearance. "Hey, are you ok? You're crying."_

_"I'm not," I said defiantly, hastily wiping the tear from my face._

_"Just what I like to hear," he said, smiling. "I'm Rodolphus. What's your name?"_

* * *

When I reappeared downstairs, my mother looked relieved.

"Oh, there you are, Bella. You look lovely."

I felt lovely too - fresh, like I wasn't trying to hide away behind the black.

"When's Rodolphus coming?" I asked.

She checked her watch. "He should be here any minute... in fact, that must be him now," she said, as the doorbell rang. "Go and let him in, then."

I opened the door hastily and stood in the doorway, surveying my future husband. He was wearing black dress robes (yes, black, Mother) and he was looking nervous. I couldn't help noticing that he was fairly attractive - tall and dark. I could have done much worse.

"Bellatrix," he said awkwardly.

"Rodolphus," I replied, applying the smile. I was intending to be difficult and frosty towards him, but seeing his nerves gave me a reality check. It probably wasn't even his fault - his parents probably had something to do with it. It was time for me to grow up.

"Invite him in, then, Bella," my mother prompted.

"Oh, of course, how rude of me," I said, the smile plastering my face, and I led him through to the sitting room. My mother, luckily, went outside to help set up the marquee.

We sat in awkward silence.

"Bellatrix. I hope you don't hate me -" he began.

"I don't," I assured him. "Let's not talk about it."

"Ok," he said, sounding relieved. I didn't really know why I wasn't angry with him - perhaps because I hadn't really given any thought to _who_ I was marrying. "You look... ah... different. Beautiful though," he added hastily.

"Thanks," I said, looking at him pitifully. "But you don't have to pretend to be attracted to me."

"No, really," he said. "I've always thought you're beautiful. Since the moment I first saw you."

I relived the moment, horrified. I'd hoped that he'd forgotten. I remembered how old he had looked to me.

"Hey - I saw you on the Hogwarts Express," I said suddenly. "What were you doing there? I thought you would have left, you're two years above me aren't you?"

"I have left," he said. "I had to go in to ask Dumbledore for permission for you to miss this weekend. I thought I'd rather do it in person than by owl."

"Oh," I said, unsure how to react. Luckily I was saved by my mother's shout: "The guests are arriving!"

We stood by the door, welcoming the guests, and the smile stayed plastered on my face. I heard remarks all around along the lines of "My, hasn't she grown up?" which clearly meant "She's cooperating." Until my father decided to gather all the guests into the marquee and make a speech.

"I have always seen the remarkable potential in my daughter and I'm thrilled that she has been so lucky as to be married into such an ancient and well-respected family," he finished.

_Yeah, he means we'll produce nice-looking grandchildren, _I thought bitterly.

"Rodolphus, if you'd like to do the honours," he prompted.

Rodolphus got the ring out of his pocket. Despite my anger at my father, the beauty of the ring took my breath away. It was a simple silver band which contained a single diamond, understated but stunning.

"I just want to say, Mr Black, that you have a beautiful daughter, and that I intend to make her very happy."

There was a collective "awww" from the spectators, which disgusted me. Rodolphus slipped the ring onto my finger and finally, the crowd dispersed.

It made me feel sick, my father standing there and telling straight lies. Yes, he was proud of me, and showed me off at every possible opportunity, but only because I was a tool for his own boasting. He didn't feel any affection towards me, and was indifferent towards my marriage, except for the fact that it meant publicity and status.

I didn't give a damn about keeping up appearances any more. I'd done my bit. I strode straight towards the drinks table, pushing past the queue, and soon I felt comfortable with a bottle of Firewhiskey in my hand. I took a sip and the warmth pulsated through my body. I wished that somebody would love me.

* * *

It soon dawned on me again how attractive Rodolphus was. I stumbled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you, Rodolphus," I slurred, and kissed him sloppily.

"Whoa," he said. "You're drunk. Come on, let's get you upstairs before anyone else sees. Where's your bedroom?"

_He's asking where my bedroom is_, I thought excitedly. _I know what comes next._

I started to walk towards the staircase, but I had got to the point where I could no longer walk in my heels. I fell onto my bum and giggled hysterically. I was vaguely aware of people pointing and whispering.

"Come on, let's get your shoes off," said Rodolphus. _Ooh, starting to undress already, _I thought. I climbed the stairs on my hands and knees until I got to my room. Rodolphus followed me in.

"Let's get you into bed," he said.

"I love you," I said, trying to snog him again, but for some reason incomprehensible to me he wasn't responding. I decided it would be a good idea to strip. I collapsed onto the bed, stark naked, and spread my legs wide. "I want you inside me, Rodolphus. Fuck me, Rodolphus. Fuck me hard**********.**"

"I don't think so," he said.

"What?"

"You're drunk and you stink of Firewhiskey. I don't find you that irresistible."

"I'm not drunk," I insisted.

"So who drank the five bottles of Firewhiskey that were piled under your seat then?"

I didn't have an answer.

"Where's your nightie? Come on, Bella."

I pointed at the corner and started crying. "I'm so sorry Rodolphus. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Shhh, it's ok," he said soothingly, handing me the nightdress. I pulled it over my head, sobbing. "Do you want me to stay with you?" I nodded, and he lay down on top of the covers next to me, and soon enough I fell asleep peacefully in his arms.

* * *

**A/N: Here you go m'de****ars, sorry for the delay. Mixture between schoolwork, music taking over my life and our very best friend: writer's block. I hope it w************as worth the w************ait :3**

**Thanks to HMLS, butterfly450, sk****aterofthebooks, ****alex14****andr****a ****and Col****ad****axCheers for reviewing, you're ****a sm****all but dedic****ated bunch ****and I hope th****at others will join you.**

**WeasleySeeker xx**


	8. Selfish

I was awoken by a light knocking on my bedroom door. My head was pounding. I groaned - I knew that it would be my mother coming to scold me about my previous night's behaviour.

However, when the door slowly creaked open, it was Rodolphus.

"Uh - hey," I said, surprised.

"Hey - sorry," he mumbled when he saw that he had woken me up.

"It's fine," I said hastily.

"I just came to see if you were ok... you know, after last night. How are you feeling."

I groaned again. "Ugh. Awful. What happened?"

"Well... you... got extremely drunk," he offered.

"Well I know that," I snapped, annoyed. "What did I do? Did everyone see?"

"Well, as soon as I noticed I took you up here, you weren't downstairs in that state for long so hopefully not everyone noticed," he said shiftily.

I was stunned. "You took me upstairs? Why would you do that?"

"Because we're getting married, Bellatrix. It's my duty to take care of you."

I snorted. "What, because you're the man? I'll have you know, _Rodolphus, _that I don't need looking after by anyone."

My words clearly stung.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Rodolphus_, _I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. It sounds like I did need looking after last night. But not just because I'm a woman. Sorry, I just haven't got used to the whole marriage thing yet. It came as a bit of a shock."

"I can imagine it did," he said apologetically. "I did ask your parents to tell you sooner, but they wanted it to be a surprise. You don't strike me as somebody who would like surprises."

I laughed. "You've worked me out already. So tell me, what happened last night?"

Rodolphus looked uncomfortable. _This can't be good_, I thought.

"Well, you... sort of... got the wrong end of the stick when I carried you up to your room, and..."

_This can't be happening, _I thought. "I didn't beg you to have sex with me, did I?" I asked, cringing.

"Yes," he said, relieved.

"And we didn't, did we?"

"No, no, I managed to contain myself," he assured me with a wink.

"Just checking," I laughed. "Then what happened, dare I ask?"

"You started crying and then fell asleep in my arms."

_Oh, Merlin. _"If you EVER tell anyone that, Rodolphus Lestrange, you are DEAD. Understand?"

"Of course," he said, not fazed in the slightest. "You're Bellatrix Black, you wouldn't want anyone to believe that you've actually got a heart."

"Shut up."

"But I know there's something else there. You intrigue me, Bellatrix."

I was deliberately silent.

"Do you remember what I said to your father?" he asked. I shook my head. "I promised to make you happy. You're a very unhappy person Bellatrix. I hardly know you, but I know that, and I know that we'll have to spend the rest of our lives together, whether we like it or not. So let's make the best we can out of it."

He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. It wasn't deep or aggressive like I was used to, it didn't give me fireworks, but it felt nice. Maybe marrying Rodolphus wouldn't be as bad as I'd originally thought.

"Oh, and by the way, you might be wondering why I didn't stay," he said.

"What?"

"Why I didn't stay with you all night."

"Oh, that," I said. "I don't really care. I'm not exactly a lovesick thirteen-year-old." But secretly, I wished that he had stayed. I had never woken up with a man by my side, they were usually just one night stands. Although I tried very hard to hide my romantic side, it did exist, believe it or not.

"Well, I went back down to the party for a bit and then slept in the spare room, I thought that our parents wouldn't be too happy about us spending the night together before we're married. We wouldn't want them jumping to conclusions."

"No," I agreed. "Mine aren't too happy with me at the moment, or won't be if they find out how much Firewhiskey I drank last night."

"I think they will find _that_ out, I'm afraid," Rodolphus admitted. "It was fairly clear what sort of a state you were in."

"Brilliant," I muttered darkly. Then there was another knock on the door. "Oh, and, speak of the devil-" I began, expecting, for the second time, my mother to burst in as Rodolphus leapt up from the bed, but it was in fact Andromeda.

"Oh, sorry - I'll come back later," she said when she saw Rodolphus, but Rodolphus waved her in and said, "I was just leaving anyway, it's fine. See you soon, Bellatrix."

"Bye," I said, and he closed the door behind him as he left the room. Andromeda gave him a disgusted look.

"So you've already fucked him, practically the first time you've met him?" she said exasperatedly. "I thought this was meant to be the _new_ Bellatrix."

"Shut up," I snapped. "Although it's absolutely NONE of your business, no I haven't fucked him. Believe it or not, I am capable of holding a civilised conversation with the opposite sex without ripping my clothes off the first chance I get."

"Not in the state you were in last night," she sniggered.

I cringed again. "You know about that? I thought you'd gone to bed by then."

"I saw the house elves clearing up the bottles from under your chair. _Five bottles?_ I can get tipsy on half!"

"Yeah, well we all know you're a lightweight," I snapped, "but yes, maybe I did go a bit over the top."

"So have you 'disgraced the family' again?" she smirked.

"Actually, I'm not sure if Mum and Dad even know," I said. "Rodolphus apparently took me upstairs before I could do any significant damage."

"And he hasn't dumped you yet?"

"Shut up, of course he hasn't dumped me, why would he?"

"Well, if you were throwing up on him all night -"

"I don't think I was, actually, he didn't mention any throwing up."

"Impressive," she conceded.

"So did you just come here to annoy me, or did you actually want something?" I asked irritably.

"Just to see if you're ok," she shrugged.

"Well I think we've established that I'm fine, so can you leave me in peace?" I snapped.

"Fine." She was livid. "I just wish you would stop thinking you're so... _disadvantaged _when everyone in our family has to go through this! I have to go through it in a couple of years, and then Narcissa after me! Pull yourself together, Bellatrix. You're not the only person in the world. Stop being so bloody selfish. You don't deserve somebody like Rodolphus." She stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

I was stunned. Usually Andromeda was the sensible one. Not boring sensible, but the type of sensible that meant she wasn't usually over-sensitive, and didn't get angry easily. I wondered what was up with her.

* * *

_"I want the new recruits on this task," said the Dark Lord in his high, cold voice that had begun to feature in my dreams. "Lestrange, Yaxley..." He began to list the others that had joined at the same time as me. "It can be your... initiation, if you like." They went over to one side of the grand entrance hall to the manor that the Dark Lord was currently residing in. I followed, assuming that he wanted me to join them, but he stopped me with a hand._

_"Not you, Bellatrix," he said, his lip curling. "I've got something... special planned for you."_

_Special? What did that mean? I noticed that I was the only woman there. Maybe that was the reason. Maybe he didn't think I was good enough._

_"Special, my Lord?"_

_"You will see in due course," he barked irritably. "You know what you are doing?" he snapped at the remaining Death Eaters, and they nodded and, taking this as their dismissal, Disapparated, leaving me alone with the Dark Lord._

_"I want you to have... lessons with me, Bella," he said, and the nickname sent shivers up me as usual._

_"What sort of lessons?"_

_"Duelling lessons. I have seen great potential in you, bigger than any of those other buffoons, anyway. I want to train you, teach you myself. You could prove to be one of my most useful servants, that is, if you stay loyal to me." He came right up close to me and brought his lips right up close to my ear. "Are you loyal, Bella?" he whispered._

_"Of course, my Lord. You know that I will always be your most loyal servant."_

_"Good," he murmured, and he didn't move from that intimate position. His expression seemed pensive._

_I was confused, unsure whether this was a dismissal or not._

_"Is there something else, my Lord?"_

_"Yes," he murmured. "I think there is."_

_Then, without warning, he picked me up roughly, and dragged me into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind us..._

* * *

** A/N: ****Sorry it took so long to update again, my life is crazy, you know how it is :(**

**Thanks to skaterofthebooks, HMLS, romantic lover, ColadaxCheers, Amazon Star and alex14andra for your lovely reviews, and I did include some Voldy for you but**** y****es, I'm going to keep *ahem* removing you from the situation, I'm going to make you wait a few more chapters ; )**

**Some people might think that Bella is a bit OOC in some of this chapter (well in the whole story really), but I just want to say that I think a seventeen-year-old Bella would be very different to the Bella we know and love.**

**Does anyone have any suggestions/requests for what happens in the next few chapters? I do of course have an eventual plan for this story, but it will take quite a while to get there and I need some filler chapters :)**

**It only takes a second to review and I promise I will love you forever if you do :D**

**Love as always, **

**WeasleySeeker xx**


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